'Na razrusha'ya, E'ya razrushost

'I truly love you' Anna thought as she lay awake next to Peter, his chest rising and falling to the rhythm of her own. A smile tugs at her lips as a tiny snore rippled through his body, it was the kind of snoring she could wake up to every morning. She caught herself smiling and staring at him unaware so often it made her nervous. Even though they had been together for more than two years she could never get rid of that nervous feeling. The one you get when you realize that you actually had something to lose, something other people would want. Because who wouldn't want to wake up to this, the snoring, the love, the feeling of contentment.No, she had reason to be nervous. The smile slipped from her lips as she thought about the way she was looking at him, the way she always looked at him. As if he was the sun. As if he held the most beautiful constellations in his eyes. As if he were a cosmic explosion, terrifyingly beautiful, possibly unreal, something she could fall and disappear into. Her chest grew tight and she fought against the negative thoughts that tried to slip into her mind, the ones that asked what if and until. No, she pushed them all the way to the back of her mind, leaned in closer and kissed him lightly on the lips before she turned back around and drowned in the bliss of his snoring, the love, the feeling of contentment...

'I don't want to wake up' Peter thought as he felt Anna's eyes on him and the light kiss she placed on his lips before she mercifully turned around and went back to sleep. More than two years of waking up next to someone held a lot of room for repetitiveness. That's what his life has become, a series of rituals and habits. He would wake up and tell her that he loved her even though he wasn't sure he still knew what that meant or if it was true or not.Wasn't love something you were supposed to want to wake up to? He opened his eyes slowly, making sure that Anna wouldn't see that he was awake because he needed the time to himself. A time before the lying begins. He looks at the hairs curled down the nape of her neck, the steady movement of her breathing and wondered when the thought of her next to him stopped making him happy. She always looked so content and happy when she saw him, her eyes practically lit up. He wished he could tell her to just stop, stop loving me! Stop taking away reasons I can use to leave you. Because he wants to leave so badly but he knows if he does it would break her and you can't just break someone if they don't give you a reason to. Or could you? At this point he didn't even care about it that much. She would be leaving soon and then he could break her. It would be easier over the phone anyway he thought as he pictured her tear stained face, the betrayal in her eyes as her soul turned bitter in front of him. No, he would wait. He could deal with a few more days of false I love you's and the repetitiveness of it all. Peter closed his eyes and turned away from her. Cursing the fact that he couldn't see the same stars in her eyes that he knew she saw in his. She wasn't his sun and she wasn't made out of constellations. She was soggy bread eaten out of hunger next to dying candle light. Necessary but not enough, never enough.

exclusive Q&A with the debut author of This One Time, Alex van Tonder!

Q: Your Novel deals a lot with pop culture, mostly the dark side of it. Would you say that Jacob Lynch's cynical view of 'fame whores' and social media is your way of commenting on pop culture.

A: I think I wanted Jacob to be true to the character that he was and I think that when you are in that world, you live a dual life. You live this life where firstly on the one hand you're pretending to be something, your putting on a show, but you're constantly aware of it. So he would have been jaded. The fame industry is a show, the kind of people who work in it and who are attracted to it want attention, and their driven by that attention. Over time you'd have to be a very special optimistic kind of person to not get jaded about it. I think that there is a good side to it because it is the entertainment industry. But you can get cynical about it especially if you are living a double life like he is.

Q: This One Time's protagonist can be seen as a sort of anti hero was it at all difficult for you to write from his point of view, especially when it comes to his views of women?

A: It was very difficult. I call it coming to terms with the character, you have an idea about what you want to write about and the story you want to tell but then in order for it to be true and for it to make sense to the reader and to make sense  to you, you kind of have to come to terms with the fact that if it's going to play out like this he probably isn't a very nice person and he probably has some negative views. It was difficult to write on the one hand because I am a feminist and I believe in equality for men and women and I'm very aware of the weird white male thing happening on the internet at the moment but, in a way it was also quite therapeutic to write because you kind of realize that he is a product of society. It's not actually weird that he is this way he is because he has just taken something that was already there and now he's riding the crest of it.

Q: Which character did you have the hardest time portraying. Your characters are quite complex considering Alicia's questionable 'mental state' and the divide between Jacob and Brodie. How did you get into their brains in order to portray them so well?

A: I call it  listening to character. I had an idea of who I wanted them to be and in order for them to really play off of each other and for the dynamics to play out they started becoming worse and worse versions of themselves. I Think the hardest to write was Alicia without a doubt. She really is insane and she has problems. It's tough to write a character with problems because you naturally want to work everything out logically, to be able to label it as something or to put it in some box but, also to be true to the story. She's kind of a product to her circumstances as well. But it was tough to write her, it wasn't easy. I had to clean her and neaten her up a few times.

Q: As a blogger and a copywriter, you have always been writing. Would you say that completing a novel was more fulfilling for you?

A: Definitely! You know copy writing, blogging and advertisement... these are short bursts of activity and the shorter you can make your advertising writing the better. I've been trained the other way and with this you kind of have to get loose again. It's like running a marathon, you are going to be doing this for a looong time. But it's a lot more freedom. I'm the client, I get to choose what story I'm telling which is not the case in my day job. So yes, a million times more rewarding and fulfilling and just so much fun. Not counting the parts where you're crying over your computer, we don't talk about that.

Q: When did you start writing the novel and where did you get the inspiration from?

A: I started writing it at the beginning of 2012 and it took about six months to do the first draft. The whole revenge porn and this weird world of white men online taking liberties with women's bodies had been going on for a while. At the time there was no recourse and there still isn't. You still can't sue people for posting nude photos of you online or get them convicted of anything. There was a prosecution last year  which was the first of its kind in California, now there are bills that are starting to become passed but at that point there was nothing you could do and I was reading these stories of women whose lives had been  ruined by this kind of thing and these men are just getting away with it and making money off of it as well. So in my mind there was this thing boiling, this female revenge. I just thought to myself, at some point someone is going to not take it anymore. A very well known revenge blogger Hunter Moore ended up  getting physically attacked and stabbed by a woman whose pictures he had posted online. So I thought what if someone said enough, I'm not going to deal with it anymore. And the other  reason I wanted to write it which was more a setting thing is the fact that I got really into Alaska. And I just had this idea of this story set in Alaska. It seemed horrifying. With the setting in ,mind and the revenge in mind I thought it would make a great story.

Q: In terms of writing the novel, what was the hardest part and the best part in terms of researching and actually sitting down and doing the writing.

A:  Well, not having been to Alaska and New York was maybe one of the tough parts I'll admit that. But I write fiction to get away from myself and my life so it was actually so much fun to research. I did everything from downloading documentaries to looking up owners of B&B's in Alaska, I found them on Facebook and I stalked them in a really non creepy way and I even google street viewed the national parks highway and I walked down google street view for like 6 miles just to try and get a sense of what it's like in Alaska.Next time hopefully I'll go there but that was actually really fun, super challenging but also really nice to emerge yourself in a world that isn't like Kloof Street. The best part of the book were the parts where my twists were working, because they don't always. When you get to that point where you're like okay this could be plausible then that's just amazing.

Q: Is there any advice that you would like to give to aspiring South African writers especially and what would you have liked to know when you started that you know now.

A: Look, I did have someone be very honest with me about how tough it is here because we don't have a huge reader market and that was a bit discouraging but I would say the same thing, but because this isn't the UK and this isn't the US there's not nearly the volume of writers submitting so there is a good chance that your voice could stand out. I don't think books are either good or bad, it's about whether your voice is relevant at this time. So you really just have to take the chance and keep taking the chance. I was rejected twice before this and this is the third book. It always stings when you send your stuff out and everyone is like "hmm NO". "SO GREAT KEEP IT UP BUT NO." (laughs) But, I just said to myself I'm just going to keep writing books until one sticks and that's the advice I'd give. Do not stop.

Q:  What are your hopes for the future in terms of writing, do you think you will continue writing thrillers or would you like to work on different types of genres?

A: I'm Not committed to thrillers but I am committed to the dark side. I do love the twists and the turns of the thriller and I do have another one that I need to give to my publishers on the first of December that will probably also be a thriller but it's the digital dark era that I'm interested in. The weird ways in which social media affects our lives.

Q: Do You have a writing mantra or a quote you always go to when you feel blocked or unmotivated?

A: When I'm getting stuck, when I've lost perspective and when I feel like I don't know what I'm doing I just go back to this one thing  which is "write the book you want to read". Nothing else matters.

Q: Is there a message in your novel that you would like readers to grasp?

A: I guess, be careful what you create is a message. It's just so easy for us to put our ideas out there online, tweet something in an instant and it can literally change your life. You don't have ownership over your tweets and stuff once it's in the public domain, so just be careful.

Q: How important was family and support throughout your writing process? Was there someone who pushed you through your slumps and when you started doubting yourself?

A: It's so so important. At the time I was fortunate enough to have a boyfriend who was such a jock, he was a sports coach and he got me to take it seriously. He really got me to focus. One night he was like, set aside these nights and do your thing. You're only a good friend of mine if I have blown you off like 50 times because I'm writing my book. And I've done that over ten years now so people who understand that are totally amazing.But not everyone does, so sometimes you kind of end up making sacrifices.

Q: What book do you wish you could have written and why?

A: At the moment and also round about the time I wrote my book, it was Frankenstein by Marry Shelley. She was 19 and it was written over a hundred years ago and it has never been more relevant. The whole idea of something you created coming back to destroy you.

Q: If you could cast your character in a Hollywood movie adaptation, who would it be?

A: I have actually thought about this before (laughs). I think Rhyan Gosling could do an amazing job. He could do the play boy and he could do the dark and twisted stuff very well and I also think Mathew Mcconaughey would do a great job as well.

Booktalk: This One Time by Alex Van Tonder

This one time Alex van Tonder wrote a novel and it freaking blew my mind...!

That's all you need to know right?Review over you can go buy the book now thank you.

Haha no! wait, I'm kidding come back and listen to me ramble on about cupcakes, wolves, Cinderella assholes and yes..The novel.
but first..

I just want to start off this post by addressing all of the people who failed to make it to This One Time's book launch at The Book Lounge on Wednesday the 6th of May

" weh weh.. wehweh.. weh."

 You missed out big time! Aside from the very entertaining author talk with Lauren Beukes and Alex van Tonder (my new heroes) there were some kick ass cupcakes and other delicious nibbly bits to enjoy, a lot of intimidating hipstertypes walking around, vodka punch and laughs,but mostly cupcakes (I was obsessed with those damn cupcakes)

but no I won't rub it in your faces. I know I promised a detailed post about the launch but quite frankly there are more important things to talk about like the book for example and the brilliant Q&A that I had with Alex. Ahh I think we might be best mates now!Okay maybe not mates but definitely 'that chick I met one time' material. Don't worry this is only her first book, next year we'll be acquaintances :D #Goals!!

Moving along...

You're probably wondering what the hell this book I'm flailing about is even about right? Well I'll tell you.

This One Time is about an infamous blogger named Jacob Lynch who blogs under the pseudonym Brodie Lomax. I say this guys is infamous because his blog basically consists out of pictures of his naked female conquests and blog post that form a how-to guide for men. As in How to be a douche bag with a capital D. Err, I don't know how or why but somehow people end up eating that crap for breakfast despite the morally bleak content. Jacob ends up getting a book deal to write his memoir or shall I say Brodie Lomax's memoir. Sadly, with Jacob being the party animal that he is the deadline for his first draft is two months away and he has managed to write a total of zero words. In a desperate attempt to get away from his life in New York and to force himself to actually get the words down he accepts an offer to stay in an isolated hunting lodge in Alaska for two months. Jacob ends up going to this lodge intending on writing his memoir only when he gets there things take a very very dark turn. Oh yes, there will be no memoir writing on this trip instead Jacob will find himself facing the full wrath of the monster he had created. Did he really think he could get away with scorning thousands of women and get away with it unscathed? Well only time will tell.

The Review

Alexandra van Tonder, the author of This One Time. Yes, I stupidly forgot to take her picture during the Q&A. I'm blaming it on the nerves.

With words like Professional douchebag, assholepreneur and revenge porn Romeo used to describe our protagonist Jacob Lynch A.K.A Brodie Lomax it should not come as a surprise that our bro Brodie is all of the above and so much more! Picture everything that is dark, twisted and terribly terribly wrong with social media and the fame that comes along with it. Now picture a young good looking drugged up misogynistic man in control of it all. That my friends is Brodie Lomax.

At first I had a hard time getting into the story, mostly because it's being told through Jacob Lynch's perspective and man does his perspective suck! He makes a living out of exploiting women for goodness sake! However, Alex managed to keep me hooked through out the book despite my building hatred towards Brodie and it also helped a lot seeing a different side to him as the book progressed. Glimpses into Jacob's past, before The Age of Brodie made him human and in a way more tolerable.

The relevance of the different characters need for fame and success however is what initially hooked me in the beginning of the novel. Let me tell you some people would do just about anything to get their 15 minutes of fame and with social media making so many people's dreams come true it was fascinating reading a book that basically attacked that part of modern society. It inadvertently made me question whether or not the end really does justify the means and I personally think that if more people were to read this book they would ask themselves the same thing. Hopefully, coming to the same conclusion I had, It damn well does not! Although most of the characters seemed a little one dimensional, in the sense that the bad almost always outweighed the good. Realistically it didn't make sense to me but within the fictional world it emphasized the grey morals, the blurred line between right and wrong that rears its head when ambition is involved and since the novel can be seen as a social commentary of modern society I was able to let this slide,  because as we all very well know the views of the morally corrupt usually make for some very entertaining reading material ;)

The second part of the novel is what really got my motor running. After Jacob landed in Alaska things started getting out of control really quickly and I found myself taking several moments after almost every chapter to compose myself. I didn't think it was possible for me to dislike a character more then Brodie, until I was introduced to Alicia that is. Alicia arrives at the hunting lodge soon after Brodie does and even though he was told that he would be alone in the lodge the idiot still manages to invite her in.

Sigh!Men and their judgement...

 Okay, so he was under the impression that she was there to keep the lodge in tip top shape for him but damn it. If something seems too good to be true chances are it is! This chick was the main reason why I ended up shouting at the words dancing around on my E-reader for most of the novel. The movie Gone Girl affected me in the same way so if you, like me was completely blown away by that movie then I strongly urge you to pick up this book right now! Basically Alicia is bat shit crazy and Brodie managed to some how ruin her life. Haha, if only the dude ran away when he had his chance.

I loved hating Alicia and the way the whole Alaska trip turned out, I was literally as in the dark about everything as Brodie was until the very end so yes, that plot twist broke me. I mean I hated Brodie but really? did he deserve that? No, no one deserves to have something like that happen to them. Obviously I am not going to spoil anyone so just trust me when I say that this book will have you on the edge of your seat, bed, table wherever and whenever you choose to dive into this. I personally haven't read Girl on The Train by Paula Hawkins before but I know some people are calling it the next Gone Girl. However, I'm pretty sure This One Time can give it a run for it's money.

Who should read this?
If you loved Gone Girl and basically any other psychological thriller and if the you, like Alex is attracted to the dark side of the digital world then this book is definitely for you.

Click Here for my exclusive Q&A with the author:)

And Que the freak out because guess what? It's This One Time by Alex Van Tonder's book launch announcement!!

Yes, I know what you're thinking. You thought I died right? Probably abducted by an alien of some sort, maybe even the ones from Rick Yancey's The Fifth Wave or worse the ones from Cowboys Versus Aliens right? I sincerely hope not. E.T is more my speed so if I ever were to be abducted by aliens you can be sure that they are the cute and cuddly kind thank you very much. However, since I was not abducted I must begin by offering you my sincerest apologies. The fact of the matter is, I am a second year Media student which means I had to nurture another blog this year. Unfortunately that prevented me from spending more time with you guys. The semester is almost over though and most of the hard work is behind me so here I am, reunited with my one true love and I must say my timing is splendid because on the 6th of May ladies and gents, this little book worm will be in the company of two amazing South African authors. Can you Guess who? Okay... so Alex Van Tonder is in the title but I bet you can't guess the second author can you?

It's freaking Lauren Beukes guys!! Jealous yet? I'm sure you are but no worries because I will be reporting back to you in the most detailed post of your lives! So be sure to stay tuned for that. In the mean time I'll give you a little more information on the launch of the lovely Alex van Tonder's debut novel This One Time (*Side note, I keep wanting to say 'at band camp' is it just me?Yes? Okay never mind then):

  The official blurb:

Personally I can not wait to get my hands on this book. From what I'm getting from the blurb I'm thinking Little Red Riding Hood retelling or maybe something like Hard Candy? I don't know but thankfully I won't have to wait too long to find out so YAY! If you want any more information about Alex Van Tonder you can find her facebook, twitter and instagram accounts on her blog or you can check out this Q&A in the Cape Times and find out what authors inspired her! Come on I know you are just dying to know! I will give you a hint though, it's not J.K Rowling...