My Anxieties Have Anxieties

* Disclaimer* This post is based on my own experiences and I am in no way generalizing about social anxieties. Everyone experiences it differently. That being said...
  
In 2013 I was on a Gap year which some of you might have read about in my previous post, The Gap (Crap)Year,  and all throughout the year my only wish was to be at University so I could start my degree and hopefully my life! To my knowledge all I had to do was get here and a whole range of possibilities would be within my reach. Not only would I be at the best University in South Africa, meeting a whole new group of people with the same interests as me but I would be doing what I love, which is writing and reading ALOT considering the courses I was interested in were Media and Writing and English Literature. I knew that leaving everyone behind for a while would be extremely hard but I never thought that it would be unbearable. For the most part I was equally excited and nervous. This would be the year I truly grow up, I was ready for it, I even welcomed it! Only now I know better.

I never knew that I had social anxiety issues until my first year of University. To say that I was caught off guard would be an understatement. I did drama all through high school for pete’s sake and here I was avoiding the bathroom in my hostel corridor despite my full bladder because people were gathered in the hallway, turning a bright shade of red the moment anyone called my name or asked me a question, finding every single secluded spot on campus to eat my lunch, read and avoid (well) everyone...

In short my life became a complete contradiction to the saying No Man Is An Island and eventually I was plagued with homesickness. The phone calls home became more frequent and I rarely ever left my room aside from attending classes. My varsity experience was anything but pleasant and as the days went by it started to take a toll on me. To be clear I was not depressed I simply was not happy and all I wanted was to go back home. Eventually I made the decision to get some help and I saw a psychiatrist. Unfortunately this only consisted of me talking about my feelings for an hour each week and it was not what I was looking for. What I wanted was for someone to literally tell me how to get passed my anxiety and considering the fact that I had more than enough people back home who were willing to listen I decided to end my sessions.

 To this day I still have anxiety issues, I avoid crowds and spend most of my time in my room but things have changed for the better in some ways. I’ve made a few friends along the way with whom I regularly talk to and check in with every now and then which was something I didn’t do when I first got here. A few months ago I would flee immediately and retreat back to my room whenever I felt even slightly uncomfortable or out of place, which was most of the time, but I’ve found that its by sticking around and working through those awkward stages that you eventually end up finding the people who will support you and challenge you enough that you find a way to push past the walls you’ve put up and eventually find a way to open up and be yourself, completely and comfortably.

 For those of you who assumed that this post would have a happy ending I’m sorry to disappoint but as you might know happiness is a slow process and every little improvement has its own pace. I’m still having trouble adjusting and finding my way but I’m not as unhappy as I used to be I do however wish that I could have changed a few things along the way that would have made adjusting so much easier. Alas I do have some advice to share with students who will be embarking on their Varsity journey next year. Hopefully these few recommendations will help you towards making your varsity journey the happiest it can beJ

·         Firstly, deciding on a University is a very important decision to make, do not take it lightly! The institution you will be attending will be your home for the next 3-4 years of your life, that is a very big deal. You want to make sure you get the best education possible but, that is not the only thing to consider. If you know in your heart that you might have trouble adjusting do not pick a Varsity in a city or town where there isn’t a single person you know. Sometimes it seems like having a fresh start is the best option available but having familiar faces around while you’re trying to navigate more new things than you can count is the most comforting thing  on earth!

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         Secondly, if you are moving into a res or a flat make sure that you share it with someone who goes to the same varsity as you. The first friend you will make will most probably be your room mate so try and get to know the person before you move in together. Send each other emails, get excited about first year together and by the time you move in there will be no awkwardness between the two of you and the stress of making friends will be all but gone. Living alone in a flat or having your own room as a first year might seems ideal but tackling varsity on your own is a lot less fun and significantly more intimidating.

·        Thirdly, join a society! You don’t have to do sports the chances of your varsity having a book club or a film society is good so do not let that chance pass you by. The workload might be a bit on the heavy side and the thought of joining something else seems a bit ridiculous but you will benefit from it. When you attend a big University finding people who share the same interests you do is almost impossible if you don’t join a society. These groups are much smaller which increases your chances of making new and interesting friends in the beginning of the year.

·         Do Not Ignore Invitations! Social anxiety can be overcome. The thing is you don’t fear the things you know and the only way to familiarize yourself with other people and places is to join them. The next time someone invites you to do something, do it! Challenge yourself and see how far it takes you. If anxiety is holding you back from living up to your full potential don’t just sit back and let it take opportunities away from you a make your world smaller because you will look back one day and regret every single chance you missed and unfortunately there is no turning back time.  

·         And last but not least. If you tried all of these recommendations and none of them worked for you don’t despair! Chances are your varsity has counselling services where there are groups specifically for people who have trouble adjusting. Talk to whoever is in charge at your wellness center and find out as much as you can. The thing is as much as it might feel like you are, You are not alone. Thousands of students struggle with adjusting, you might even have seen them around campus brooding and alone but you don’t have the courage to talk to them they probably feel the same. People are not meant to be alone, we need each other for support and comfort which is why there is a thing called group counselling! Sign up and you might be surprised by the amount of things you have in common with others who thought they were just as alone as you!

Enough of my rambling!haha I hope that by sharing my personal experience someone might benefit from it. Social anxiety and loneliness is rarely spoken of unless it’s through fiction or hypothetical situations which is why I wanted to talk about it today. If there is anyone who wants some further advice or simply someone to talk to feel free to comment down below or to send me an email and I’ll be sure to respond to the best of my ability.

Have a wonderful day everyone!

Xx