The aspiring writer's proses

So lets just get this out in the open despite what some may think writers don't always get their ideas from observing people and landscapes or by having them fall from the sky on a tragic but beautiful day..No, sometimes writers need to brainstorm for ideas on what the hell to write about and sadly it generally goes a little like this 

Ok, so maybe the first 100 things don't make sense at all or they do but you know for a fact that you are in able of doing it any justice because lets face it genetically formed clones/ android armies might sound awesome initially until you realize that your knowledge on the subject is quite limited to say the least so you do the smart thing and put that idea on the back burner and continue typing nonsense until.. DING! 1100 random words later an idea manifests

Yay! You had a thought! Good for you now start outlining your plot, forming your characters, structuring the story and create! You've got this, how hard can it be?

Low and behold things are actually starting to take form, you have your whole story mapped out and dang does it sound awesome. Divergent what? Veronica who? This is a bestseller in the making and soon everyone will be buying your book... but first, you are gonna have to start typing so you do

and you type some more

and more

Only two hours later...

You couldn't even get passed the first sentence. 

but never the less you deserve a break only...

another two hours later you return to your desk less than enthused but this is your dream right? You have to suck it up and do it and some point

or you can leave it for tomorrow and start fresh and by tomorrow I mean NEVER

Jip, that's pretty much how it goes because you know what?



The End

Satiating your book addiction without breaking the bank

First Rural Child Experience

At this stage I’m pretty sure most of you who have stumbled on this page before are aware of my love for books and reading. You also know that I am a student therefore purchasing books and feeding my addiction is a luxury I almost can’t afford. It is thus with much excitement and love in my heart that I introduce you to the best second hand bookstore in all of Cape Town (to my knowledge at least), the Help The Rural Child charity bookshop.

Before I actually went into the store I based my expectations on my previous experiences with second hand bookstores which was not good to say the least! The second hand bookstores I came across had a book selection that usually included extremely old books in the worst of conditions that made even the cheapest price seem like too much to cough up, but after I was directed to the Help The Rural Child bookshop in Mowbray by a fellow student I realised just how wrong I was as I do almost every time. First impressions guys, don’t give them much credibility!

Not only was this store three stories big, but every corner of it was filled with the best looking second hand books imaginable and oh so cheap I nearly had a mini book lover heart attack! This inevitably led to me making myself at home between the shelves during my first visit there. I browsed the different sections for what seemed like no time at all but actually turned out to be two whole hours! The first hour I spent on the first floor where the bulk of the fiction section was located as well as the coffee table area where you can sit down with your book picks and enjoy a lovely cup of coffee for ten rand.

                      

                     

 At this stage I have already picked up so many books and put them right back down as soon as I saw something better that I only realised later on that there was a children’s fantasy section upstairs. This of course is my bread and butter and I browsed these shelves for yet another hour. By the end of the two hours’ time was running out as the shop was about to close and I had to make a quick decision on which books I was actually going to take home with me. I ended up taking three books, two of which were only R35 rand each and the third R25. When I eventually had to pay I got the best surprise because as it were they had a women’s day special where if you were to buy three books, the third book was FREE! So not only do you pay basically nothing for the books but every once in a while there might be the chance of you walking away with more money than you expected… Uhm, YAY!!

As this is a charity Bookstore all of the books are donated by the community and other bookstores in the Cape Town area. The money made by these purchases go directly back into Goedgedacht’s Path Out of Poverty program, helping to support the rural children of Africa. So guys if you are in the neighborhood please check this place out I promise you that you will not be disappointed and that you will find what you are looking for whether it is fiction, Non-fiction, Cook books, Encyclopedias and even books in foreign languages there is a little bit of everything for everyone at the most affordable prices!

Further information:

Sells good quality second hand books, CDs and computer games.

Contact: Vivien and Nathalie
Phone: 021 689 8392
Website: www.ruralchild.org.za

Physical Address: 6 Victoria Road, Mowbray, Cape Town (opposite Shoprite)

Operating days: Monday to Saturday
Operating hours: 09h00 to 17h00 (Saturday 10h00 to 14h00)

This shop accepts items / donations from the public? Yes - All Books, CDs and computer games.

 For more in formation on The Help the Rural Child Trust click here

Review: The Golden Boy by Abigail Tarttelin

Introduction

Max Walker is the Golden boy, a star athlete, adored by all the girls in his school, boyishly handsome and an all-round good person. Max Walker has the perfect life in almost every aspect, but Max Walker also has a secret that has been hidden from everyone including his little brother. This secret could have devastating consequences if it were to get out and get out it will.

Max’s parents hide the fact that their son is intersexed in order to protect him from ridicule and alienation but by doing so they never educate their son about what it means to be the way he is in terms of sex and gender knowing that he has always identified himself with being male and the fact that he looks male they thought it would be okay to sweep it under the rug and never speak of it. But this decision comes back to bite them in the ass (as it should) and their whole world is turned upside down as they are forced to own up to the truth and to leave their distorted reality behind.

Throughout the book we follow Max on his journey of self discovery and turbulence as his trust is broken multiple times and he himself struggles to come to terms with who he is.

Not only is this book fantastically written and enlightening but it takes you to places where comfort is derailed and understanding evoked. You will remember this book long after you finished the last page    

My Thoughts

This book basically opened my eyes in more ways than I thought it would. I never thought of myself as ignorant in terms of what gender and sexuality meant until I read this book and this alarmed me. Max Walker, the main character of this book is intersexed and for those of you who do not know what it is to be intersexed don’t worry it’s not your fault it is however societie’s fault as it often is.

Intersexed people have both male and female genitalia and/or reproductive organs. They therefor do not fall into male or female categories’ and determine with which gender they associate either at infancy or before adolescence. For some reason the term intersexed is rarely spoken about and it was only until I started taking gender studies this semester that I realised why this is the case.

 Our world is dominated by heteronormative content! We see it in the media, the books we read and the mainstream movies we watch. People who fall into the LGBTQIA community are rarely featured and this is because we have been indoctrinated by heteronormative messages throughout our lives that basically marginalise these people because they go against the norm. Institutions such as religion, politics and laws that consider sexuality and gender too diverged from the normative male and female sex groups uphold these marginalising ideals in order to continue or sustain a patriarchal society with no regard for the consequences that these ideals have.

By reading this book you are put into a position of the marginalised and what you will find might be more enriching than you could have ever believed it to be.

I definitely recommend this book to anyone from young to old although there are some graphic scenes so let’s say from 14 to 90. You are never too old to change your perspective or to educate yourself there should be more books out there like this one.

To the author, Abigail Tarttelin, I applaud you (claps)

If you have read this book and had a different experience or if you like me had your mind blown and your heart stomped on please leave your comments down below and we can discuss :)

My Anxieties Have Anxieties

* Disclaimer* This post is based on my own experiences and I am in no way generalizing about social anxieties. Everyone experiences it differently. That being said...
  
In 2013 I was on a Gap year which some of you might have read about in my previous post, The Gap (Crap)Year,  and all throughout the year my only wish was to be at University so I could start my degree and hopefully my life! To my knowledge all I had to do was get here and a whole range of possibilities would be within my reach. Not only would I be at the best University in South Africa, meeting a whole new group of people with the same interests as me but I would be doing what I love, which is writing and reading ALOT considering the courses I was interested in were Media and Writing and English Literature. I knew that leaving everyone behind for a while would be extremely hard but I never thought that it would be unbearable. For the most part I was equally excited and nervous. This would be the year I truly grow up, I was ready for it, I even welcomed it! Only now I know better.

I never knew that I had social anxiety issues until my first year of University. To say that I was caught off guard would be an understatement. I did drama all through high school for pete’s sake and here I was avoiding the bathroom in my hostel corridor despite my full bladder because people were gathered in the hallway, turning a bright shade of red the moment anyone called my name or asked me a question, finding every single secluded spot on campus to eat my lunch, read and avoid (well) everyone...

In short my life became a complete contradiction to the saying No Man Is An Island and eventually I was plagued with homesickness. The phone calls home became more frequent and I rarely ever left my room aside from attending classes. My varsity experience was anything but pleasant and as the days went by it started to take a toll on me. To be clear I was not depressed I simply was not happy and all I wanted was to go back home. Eventually I made the decision to get some help and I saw a psychiatrist. Unfortunately this only consisted of me talking about my feelings for an hour each week and it was not what I was looking for. What I wanted was for someone to literally tell me how to get passed my anxiety and considering the fact that I had more than enough people back home who were willing to listen I decided to end my sessions.

 To this day I still have anxiety issues, I avoid crowds and spend most of my time in my room but things have changed for the better in some ways. I’ve made a few friends along the way with whom I regularly talk to and check in with every now and then which was something I didn’t do when I first got here. A few months ago I would flee immediately and retreat back to my room whenever I felt even slightly uncomfortable or out of place, which was most of the time, but I’ve found that its by sticking around and working through those awkward stages that you eventually end up finding the people who will support you and challenge you enough that you find a way to push past the walls you’ve put up and eventually find a way to open up and be yourself, completely and comfortably.

 For those of you who assumed that this post would have a happy ending I’m sorry to disappoint but as you might know happiness is a slow process and every little improvement has its own pace. I’m still having trouble adjusting and finding my way but I’m not as unhappy as I used to be I do however wish that I could have changed a few things along the way that would have made adjusting so much easier. Alas I do have some advice to share with students who will be embarking on their Varsity journey next year. Hopefully these few recommendations will help you towards making your varsity journey the happiest it can beJ

·         Firstly, deciding on a University is a very important decision to make, do not take it lightly! The institution you will be attending will be your home for the next 3-4 years of your life, that is a very big deal. You want to make sure you get the best education possible but, that is not the only thing to consider. If you know in your heart that you might have trouble adjusting do not pick a Varsity in a city or town where there isn’t a single person you know. Sometimes it seems like having a fresh start is the best option available but having familiar faces around while you’re trying to navigate more new things than you can count is the most comforting thing  on earth!

·    
         Secondly, if you are moving into a res or a flat make sure that you share it with someone who goes to the same varsity as you. The first friend you will make will most probably be your room mate so try and get to know the person before you move in together. Send each other emails, get excited about first year together and by the time you move in there will be no awkwardness between the two of you and the stress of making friends will be all but gone. Living alone in a flat or having your own room as a first year might seems ideal but tackling varsity on your own is a lot less fun and significantly more intimidating.

·        Thirdly, join a society! You don’t have to do sports the chances of your varsity having a book club or a film society is good so do not let that chance pass you by. The workload might be a bit on the heavy side and the thought of joining something else seems a bit ridiculous but you will benefit from it. When you attend a big University finding people who share the same interests you do is almost impossible if you don’t join a society. These groups are much smaller which increases your chances of making new and interesting friends in the beginning of the year.

·         Do Not Ignore Invitations! Social anxiety can be overcome. The thing is you don’t fear the things you know and the only way to familiarize yourself with other people and places is to join them. The next time someone invites you to do something, do it! Challenge yourself and see how far it takes you. If anxiety is holding you back from living up to your full potential don’t just sit back and let it take opportunities away from you a make your world smaller because you will look back one day and regret every single chance you missed and unfortunately there is no turning back time.  

·         And last but not least. If you tried all of these recommendations and none of them worked for you don’t despair! Chances are your varsity has counselling services where there are groups specifically for people who have trouble adjusting. Talk to whoever is in charge at your wellness center and find out as much as you can. The thing is as much as it might feel like you are, You are not alone. Thousands of students struggle with adjusting, you might even have seen them around campus brooding and alone but you don’t have the courage to talk to them they probably feel the same. People are not meant to be alone, we need each other for support and comfort which is why there is a thing called group counselling! Sign up and you might be surprised by the amount of things you have in common with others who thought they were just as alone as you!

Enough of my rambling!haha I hope that by sharing my personal experience someone might benefit from it. Social anxiety and loneliness is rarely spoken of unless it’s through fiction or hypothetical situations which is why I wanted to talk about it today. If there is anyone who wants some further advice or simply someone to talk to feel free to comment down below or to send me an email and I’ll be sure to respond to the best of my ability.

Have a wonderful day everyone!

Xx        

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Two Can Keep a Secret

Throughout the course of our lives we have to learn to do a lot of different things. We learn the basics like walking, talking, reading and writing from a very young age, knowing that these tools are the stepping stones that will allow us to navigate this new world on our own. These tools will help us stay safe inside the lines, and out of danger as long as we use them correctly; by accepting the rules that have been laid out for us by previous generations, and living according to those rules. More often than not, however, we slip outside of these lines and find ourselves on the outside. However brief our venture beyond the lines may have been, punishment for disobeying will soon follow. Luckily there is another basic skill that we acquire in life, and although the age in which we master this skill may vary, it remains an inevitability. This skill is mostly acquired through instinct and self preservation. In the end, no matter how noble a creature you are or how honest there will come a time after you’ve ventured beyond the proverbial line, that you too will learn the importance of keeping a secret. I’ve only truly mastered this skill a year ago, on my eighteenth birthday, along with two of my closest friends. I’ve always known that some stories should never be told,however, I have not yet learned what to do while stuck in a crossroad, where the forbidden stories become the only ones worth telling...

I remember feeling relief as the story progressed and spread out onto the page as I begun typing. I did it without having to think about it; the words simply rolled out from the tips of my fingers like bowling balls, all in line with a strike. After I had finished dotting my I’s and crossing the T’s, I knew that I had just written a confession, and that no amount of name changing would change this. I also knew that it was not my confession to make, but as I sat there mulling over the exposed wounds repelling off my computer screen, I couldn’t ignore the fact that I had just written my ticket onto the free University express train. How could I, after working a nine hour shift at the diner, after coming home to the sight of what was left of my father passed out on the front lawn, after enduring yet another screaming match over the envelopes of overdue bills that kept piling on the coffee table?.

The answer: I couldn’t ignore it. So I counted to three before I unfolded the only story I had worth telling and sent the email to Chapters, sealing our fate.

Three weeks later I received the news. I had won the Chapters’ scholarship, three years of tuition for any degree I wanted. Not only would I be going to varsity, but my story has been chosen for their yearly analogue publication and it will be sold in all of their stores. To say that I was out of my mind with excitement would be an understatement. I felt a wave of accomplishment wash over me; like I was a helium balloon that had been tethered to a rock, and out of nowhere whatever kept me on the ground snapped and I drifted towards the clouds. Suddenly I had a future to look forward to. The first person I wanted to tell was my best friend, Holly. I ran out the diner to the back, where I knew she would be. She was just about to take another drag from her cigarette when I burst through the back door. “Woah, what’s the hurry Jess?” she asked as I ran towards her.

“Guess who’s going to varsity next year?” I blurted while simultaneously pinning her to the wall in a hug.

“What? You Bitch, you won the competition, didn’t you?” Holly announced, clearly a little shocked, but then she just hugged me again, and we both started crying and laughing, while still clinging to each other. We stood there for a while, until the forgotten cigarette had burned out on the ground,before she spoke again. “I’m so proud of you, Jess! I told you they would love the story about the stalker chick, didn’t I?”

It was only then, when she stared at me happily with tear stained cheeks and inquiring eyes that I realised what all this really meant. She can never know, no one we knew could ever read that story. “Yeah, you did. I probably owe you now, huh?” I scoffed as I forced a smile and lightly punched her on the arm, before we turned back and made our way into the diner.

For a while I had been a balloon among the clouds, but I knew all too well that what goes up…eventually had to come down.

The next few weeks went by in a blur as I awaited the book that held my story, and the stories of a dozen others to be mailed to me. All the while I had been bombarded with questions by everyone who heard about the scholarship. I dodged them simply by feigning a lack of importance, telling everyone that I must have won by default, on account of all the other stories being poorly written, and that the only important thing was that I had won. Unfortunately for me, I wasn’t fooling anyone and the questions kept coming at me, like daggers to a dartboard. Statistically, one of them was bound to hit me in the face.

The next time I saw Holly, I thought it would be her fist that would be the one connecting with my jaw. I was sitting in my room when I heard her knocking on the front door. The knocking got louder and more urgent the longer it took me to get to the door, even though I kept yelling that I was on my way. When I finally opened it, Holly was standing in front of me, seething. She had black eyeliner running down her face, her cheeks were blood red and her whole body was quivering. It took me a second to spot the black book she had clenched in her fist, but the moment I did I knew that I was undeniably screwed. 

“How did you get that?” I asked, but the words sounded gibberish, even to my own ears. I was trembling now too.

“How could you do this?” Holly finally spoke, and as she did my heart broke. She could never have seen this coming, I thought. I was her friend; her best friend, and I betrayed her without even giving her a heads up.

“I didn’t think I’d win,Hol.” I started again, but she cut me off and stormed passed me into the house.

“You fucking liar, you knew you’d win you just didn’t care, did you?As long as you were getting out of here, to hell with the rest of us, right!”. Holly’s eyes bored into my skull, and I swore I could almost see the phantom wounds from that night peeling away her skin, but maybe it was just me and my wounds that were reflecting off of her.

“Of course I care, Holly!” I screeched, “But I can’t stay here anymore. My world is falling apart, and I can feel myself being sucked down with it. Keeping your secret is killing me, can’t you see that?”

 Holly’s eyes widened in disbelief “My secret, Jess? Are you fucking kidding me? I read that in your little distorted reality earlier, but I didn’t think you actually believed that it was entirely my fault! It was you, Jess, don’t you remember?” Her voice was breaking now but her eyes were still dead, as if she was letting it all play out in front of her,forcing it all to come back to me. As she started talking again, flashes from that night made its way to the surface of my subconscious, roaring as it went, tearing into my brain. “It was your birthday, Jess, why else would we be fucking camping? You made me and Libby go because it was your eighteenth!” Holly’s breath came out as little short gasps and her eyes started watering again. “I didn’t want to do the stupid mushrooms, so I smoked my bong instead. We were all high, Jess, but you were out of your mind; saying stuff about being from the planet Luna. You called yourself a queen!”

“No!” I shouted, finally finding my words. “That’s ridiculous, I read that book! You’re making this up!”

“Yes, you read those books, Jess, but you never told me what happens in them, so how could I be making this up?“ Holly was genuinely crying now, her face distorting as she spoke, but she wouldn’t stop; she was living it all over again. “You said that you were Queen Luna and Libby was Cinder, so she played along as you ordered her around; it was funny. We were having fun...but then Libby didn’t want to be Cinder anymore. She was tired, but you kept calling her Cinder. You barked a few more orders but when she wouldn’t do what you said, you picked up that fucking rock and hit her over the head! Even after she went down, you kept hitting her over the head, screaming that you were the queen, over and over again.”

“No, no, you’re wrong! You’re the one who killed her! I saw you covered in blood, with her on your lap when I woke up that morning. I went to bed when you were lying outside looking at the stars, and when I woke up she was dead, and you did it!” I was screaming by now, but the voice that came out sounded nothing like me. It was animal, something wild and wounded.

 My whole body was shaking, and I was breathing heavily. It felt like my lungs were starting to collapse. She was lying. She had to be lying. I was the one protecting her! Only as I listened to what she was saying, the flashes erupted all over again. I remember how horrified Libby had been when I lifted the rock off of the ground and swung it at her face, the ear piercing howl that erupted from Holly’s chest when Libby hit the ground and my own blood covered hands holding the rock as I pounded away at her cracking skull.

“I kept your secret, Jess, but I will not let you drag me down with you.” Holly’s words vibrated down my spine, unclenching my body from the position I had been locked in. I couldn’t look at her.

“Are you turning me in?” I asked, with my eyes still nailed to the ground.

“You gave me no choice. You practically confessed on my behalf to a murder I didn’t even commit!”

“Then I don’t have much of a choice either, Hol” I whispered, and with those final words I hurled myself across the room and knocked her down. My hands searched hastily for the edges of her neck and before I knew it I had my fingers curled around it. I closed my eyes as her nails dug into my flesh and her legs started flailing around me. I pushed down the sob that was threatening to escape through my gritted teeth and forced the mangled sounds coming from her throat out of my mind. I couldn’t let her give me up now. Not after the competition. I was finally getting out of here and I will not be coming back. After a while her flailing legs subsided and her struggling fingers started to retreat. I opened my eyes and looked down towards the lifeless body that I now held between my fingers and let go…

The next part had been easy enough, we had done this before. Leisurely I made my way back to the site where it started a year ago with Holly’s body rolled up in our carpet in my car’s trunk. It was eerie how no one even gave me a second look as I drove through town. I realize that no one could have known,but I did know and I was responsible. Only that didn’t stop me from judging them.

By the time I arrived at the lake the sun was setting, my shift started in an hour I thought and imagined what I would say when asked where Holly was and it was like de-ja-vu because I remember imagining the same thing after we dumped Libby’s body a year ago. I wondered If my answer would be as efficient as it had been in the past and gently slipped Holly’s body into the river before I counted to three again and started to practice as I had that night. “I don’t know, I do not know, I haven’t seen her…”

The Witch of Duva by Leigh Bardugo: A Short Story

Hey everyone! So I read this short story a while ago and I was absolutely blown away by Leigh's ability to create such an amazing story in just a few pages. For those of you who do not know this Leigh Bardugo is the author of the bestselling Grisha Trilogy which is a fantasy story following a girl named Alina Starkov as she is thrown into a magical world set in Russia where monsters and magic exists. This short story is set in the same world but it has nothing to do with the plot of the trilogy thus it can be enjoyed by anyone! Leigh Bardugo became one of my favorites authors after I read her first novel Shadow and Bone and she has not disappointed me yet! Unfortunately my next post will only be available on Sunday due to a lack of available creative time this week but in the mean time I just wanted to leave you with this:) You can thank me later and if you want to read more short stories by Leigh just comment down below and i'll post the links to the rest of them as requested :P read The Witch of Duva here

"There was a time when the woods near Duva ate girls…or so the story goes. But it’s just possible that the danger may be a little bit closer to home."

Theresa

I awoke with a jolt as my phone vibrated from underneath my pillow. I turned and checked the clock on my nightstand still half asleep. It was two am. Angrily I retrieved my phone already picturing myself cussing at the genius who decided to text me this late. It was probably Holly with yet another one of her relationship crisis’s I thought as I brought the phone into view but it was an unknown number. I decided to open it anyway whoever it was they were going to feel my wrath; I have to get up at five am for christ sake.

 Still squinting I opened the text only to find out that it wasn’t a text at all, it was a picture. Confused and slightly curious I turned on my lamp wanting to lessen my sleep distraught vision and looked at the picture again. In the picture there was a mousy haired girl with big green eyes staring back at me. She couldn’t have been more than two years old. She was holding some ones hand, a man I think judging from the size of it and the long black hairs covering his arm. I knew this girl, I thought as I studied the features of her face but why would someone send me this? I rubbed my eyes once more and saw the brown teddy bear hanging limply from her other hand, it had big heart shaped eyes and another heart shape covering its belly. This registered something in the back of my mind and like a switch it all fell into place...’is that me?’ I whispered.

 Dumbfounded I jumped up from the bed and made my way to the cupboard where I kept the family albums. Frantically I searched for the youngest photograph I had of me and compared the two. In this one I was six years old, my mousy brown hair had a darker shade to it and it hung all the way down my shoulders. My eyes were slightly smaller but they were definitely the same shade of green. This can’t be I mouthed still looking at the pictures, but it was. My adoptive parents told me that our house had burnt down when I was around two years old and my parents were caught in the fire. No one knew how I got to outside to the lawn but that’s where the neighbours found me that night, I was crying my eyes out and had clung to that same heart shaped bear. That’s all I knew so how could someone have a photo of me from before that night? Nothing could be salvaged from the fire especially not a photograph...unless that same person helped me out of the house that night.

My heart rate sped up as I picked up the phone ‘who are you?’ I typed and sent the text message without even thinking about it. I had to know. After a few minutes the phone vibrated again and my heart almost leapt out of my chest. ‘You have questions, I have the answers to. Go to the park across the road and I’ll meet you there. Tell anyone and I walk. You have five minutes.’ Fuck was the only response I could think of but there was no time to think or to respond, I knew I had to find out for myself but I also knew that this might be the biggest and dumbest mistake I could ever make. I decided to go anyway grabbing the jacket I threw over the chair earlier that day I tiptoed through the hallway careful not to wake my parents even though their room was at the opposite end of the hall. I finally reached the door and unlocked it as softly as I could, there was no time to hesitate.

 Outside the air was crisp and the neighbourhood eerily quiet, the street lights cast a faint yellow light from above that made me even more aware of the complete stupidity of my decision but I cast those worries aside and made a run for it, time was almost up. I couldn’t let whoever sent me that picture leave and risk never knowing the truth. I would regret that more than anything that could happen tonight.

Up ahead the park came into view but I couldn’t see anyone. I stopped by the park’s entrance catching my breath when out of nowhere a black van pulled up beside me. Get in the guy shouted but I was frozen stiff. The door swung open followed by three figures with black masks they pulled me into the van. My instincts finally kicked in and I was shouting and kicking in every direction ‘Let me go’ I screeched but there was no reply one of them took out a white cloth and held it over my mouth and my nose. I struggled to breathe and a few seconds later I passed out.

The sound of Inaudible voices filled my ears as I slowly gained consciousness. My eyelids were heavy but a bright white light came trickling in at the bottom forcing them shut. ‘Is she awake yet?’ I vaguely heard a man say with a hint of concern in his voice. ‘No Doctor, but she’ll come to in a few minutes I’m sure.’ A rush of relief filled my whole body. ‘They’re doctors’ I thought as I struggled against the fatigue forcing my body to move. ‘My parents! .They must have found me somehow before anything bad happened. I’m safe’ I realised with a rush. My eyes fluttered open as I adjusted to the brightness of the light. It hung a few inches above my face making it impossible to see anything. Automatically I tried lifting my arms to shield my face from the light but they wouldn’t budge, I was strapped down I realized with a burst of fear. Frantically I squinted my eyes and turned my head to the sides wanting to see who and why I was tied down but all I could see was machinery, hospital machinery and bright white walls in the background. A drip stood on my left, it’s pipe went down the length of my arm and a needle peaked out from underneath the bandage strapped to my hand. Panicked I thrashed my body side to side trying to free myself from the restraints.

 ‘Calm down Theresa, we won’t hurt you’ It was that voice again I realised, the doctor. There was no hint of concern in his voice anymore this time it sounded more like an order but somehow I did calm down. It was almost immediate my body went slack and I could feel my heart steady. ‘How did you do that?’ I asked alarmed. ‘ I didn’t do anything darling you did that all by yourself’ he said sounding impressed. ‘You’re lying! My body just went limp. I didn’t decide to do anything’ I was yelling now frustrated by the turn of events.’ Who are you and what am I doing here?’ I screeched. ‘You wanted answers Theresa and I’m going to give them to you but first I had to inject you with my special serum to keep you from going anywhere okay?’ the man replied calmly ‘What serum? I don’t understand. Why can’t I leave?’ I tried thrashing against the restraints again but nothing happened. My mind was sending the signals but it was like it was disconnected from my body somehow. I was trapped. ‘You can’t leave my pet because your body belongs to me now. Actually you have always belonged to me Theresa .I am your creator’ Creator? What did he mean he created me? My parents died when I was two years old. I saw the house burn down it can’t be.” Are you my father?” I asked half whispering. “Heavens no, your parents are dead remember? I’m not your father Theresa I’m your creator don’t you get it?” ‘Of course I don’t get it!’ I said frustrated ‘What do you mean you’re my creator? If you’re not my father you’re not responsible for my existence!’ “But I am Theresa. I’m the reason you’re still alive today. Your parents brought you to me as a baby in a desperate attempt to save your life. You were diagnosed with Tay-Sachs disease, a fatal degenerative disorder. I injected your body with sensors I have been experimenting with for years. It takes over the body and the mind once it has completely lodged itself in the red cells you produce and rids the subject of any illnesses. I knew it was a success after your second birthday leaving me no choice but to terminate the only witnesses to what I have accomplished. But I needed you to make a life for yourself Theresa. I needed people to trust you before I could activate you. Do you understand now?’ He was half shouting but I couldn’t focus on anything he was saying. I had so many questions my mind could barely stay on one for more than a second. What are these sensors, how were they controlling me and most importantly why was he controlling me? “What do you want from me?” I screeched as a tear started to form at the corner of my eye.”You’re so concerned with your biological parents Theresa but have you forgotten who your adoptive parents are? Who do you think lead them to you at the orphanage? This was all a part of my plan Theresa this is how it was always going to end for you and for them. You just didn’t know it yet” “No!” I gasped “You can’t make me do that. I won’t kill them!” I tried thrashing around again but I wouldn’t budge! “Oh but you will Theresa. The time for questions has come to an end for now but don’t worry I promise to deactivate my sensors once the job is done. Keep calm Theresa you’re going to lose your mind now.”I tried pleading with him one last time. Tears streaming down my face “Please don...”It was too late “Activate” was all I heard him say and then everything went blank.           

            

Grassie Grassie Groen

“Bettie, is jy seker?” vra sy my uitdagend “Ja,Ma, gee vir ons die stuff, man”  antwoord Liesel voor ek my woorde bymekaar kon skraap, maar vir wie probeer ek bluf.’n Paar skywe en ons is “Legend” , uiteindelik deel van ‘n groep.”Stoner or the not” Vrydag was die laaste dag wat ek as ‘n Loner gesien was.”Ja Riets” se ek uiteindelik “Waarom vat jy so lank?Hierdie voeltjie wil vlieg en vannaand nog!”.Liesel en die res van die groepie skater van die lag terwyl Elrieta vir my die bong aangee.”Sprei jou vlerke Bettie, ek dare jou”.Teen die tyd ruik die hele vertrek al na dagga.Die reuk kleef aan my lyf vas en dring deur my neusgate, amper soos ‘n parasiet dink ek by myself maar, die musiek is oordonderend en die countdown het al lankal begin “5, 4, 3, 2, 1!”

‘n Halfuur later en ek voel nogsteeds niks nie.”Elrieta, wat gaan aan?Ek voel dan nog normaal” Elrieta le met haar kop agteroor terwyl sy die rook by haar mond uitblaas.”Gee kans, Bettie,Rome wasn’t built in a day you know!” ”Great”, dink ek by myself.Almal is alreeds op sewende hemel en hier sit ek nog met altwee my voete plat op die aarde.”C’est la vie” mompel ek en besluit toe om vir Liesel op te spoor.Oral le mense plek plek en rook.’n Paar het by Elrieta se ouers se slaapkamer ingesluip terwyl die res besig was om die huis af te breek.”Hendrik Swannepoel, as jy maar net weet waar jou dogtertjie haar vannaand bevind” dink ek en bars uit van die lag.

Skielik kan ek nie op hou nie.My maeg begin kramp soos ek lag en ek val net daar op die vloer neer.Toe ek op kyk, sien ek iemand voor my staan.’n Meisie dink ek.Ek vee die trane uit my oe.Ek lag nie meer nie...”Wie is jy?” vra ek haar maar sy glimlag net en sit haar vinger op haar lip.Dansend draai sy om en giggle by die gang af...Ek voel naar! ”Waar is Liesel?” vra ek haar maar sy luister nie.

Ek probeer myself van die grond af kry, maar my bene voel soos jelly en my arms wil nie werk nie.Die musiek drom al hoe harder teen my slape vas.Ek probeer weer.Voetjie vir voetjie steier ek buitentoe en leun oor die balkon.”Uiteidelik” dink ek by myself met my oe styf toe geknyp.Die koue naglig stuur ‘n rilling by my rug af en ek maak my oe oop.Onder op die grond le daar iets.Ek knip my oe ‘n paar keur om seker te maak.”Liesel?” Fluister ek angstig maar haar fyn geknakte lyfie le lomp op die teer uitgestrek..”Vannaand is ons voeltjies, Bettie” hoor ek haar woorde van vroeer saggies eggo.

The Baby

Your tiny body fit snugly into the spaces between the cold wet grass.You were covered in an old white cloth.I smelled you before I even knew you were there.The old rotted stench had crawled up through my nose as I was walking by.I was just going to walk past the dirty bundle lying on the ground but curiosity got the best of me and I carefully moved closer as if approaching a ticking bomb.

I only saw your tiny fingers sprawled out on the ground next to you but that had been enough.The bile had already risen up to my throat. You had turned a shade of purple,your tiny toes were almost blue.You couldn't have been more than two months old but you lay there stiff with your thumb in your mouth.I remember because every part of me was hoping that you were just sleeping.Quickly I knelt down on the ground next to you, rushing to check your pulse but there was none.No shallow breathing, no faint thump, nothing..I tried to call for help but no words were coming out either so I just sat there staring at you.

At that moment a rain drop fell from the sky and landed on your head.Instinctively I picked you up from the ground and held you close to my chest wanting to protect you from the rain but when I looked up the sky was a clear blue.The “raindrop” had been one of my tears. I was outraged! How could the heavens not be weeping at a sight like this?Had this horror grown to be nothing? As I held you in my arms my only thought was to keep you safe.So I got up from the ground, pulled you tighter against my chest and started running.

The hospital had been just a few blocks away but when I got there I was already out of breathe.“Somebody help me!” I shouted but the receptionist just stared at me blankly trying to make sense of my sudden outburst.The nursing staff was quick to respond and in a matter of seconds they came running towards me with a stretcher.Unaware of the irrelevance of their actions they plucked your lifeless body from my arms and in quick, harsh movements started to check your pulse and shouting things I couldn't make sense of.Gradually their movements became less urgent and one by one their eyes were focused on me.Right then, staring at your hapless body, I knew all hope was lost.

“This is is the way the world ends Not with a bang but a whimper”

Love Pollution

Venomous heart

ruthless,unkind

pumping its poison

polluting the mind

drowning its victims

making them care

forcing their minds to

see things that aren't there

Helpless victim

delusioned, distraught 

plagued in word

in every thought!**

We YA readers have No Shame!Hahaha

I Honestly almost peed my pants after watching this on Anna Reads' blog. This is hilarious and so relate-able! YA for the win! "Its a trilogy, so.." *dies laughing*

The Writer's due

If you are an aspiring writer or even a recognized writer and you have not been exposed to this amount of condescension then I applaud you because you probably accomplished something! To those of you, like me, who have been in Brian's (the dog) shoes... Hang in there! One day we will bask in our awesomeness after finally getting published and the Stewie folk will be forced to bite their tongues! hahaha in the mean time enjoy the video! I cried :'D

The Gap (Crap) Year

After 12 years of school I'm pretty sure the term Gap year sounds pretty sweet after matriculation.Especially to those pupils who have no clue what they want to do after the school uniforms, endless amounts of home work and exams cease to exist and their handed a piece of paper as a summery of what they have been doing for the last twelve years of their lives.It’s pretty depressing, not to mention limiting!

So you don't have that 90% average you were gunning for you might not even have enough to qualify for the degree you were planning on doing next year, so what now? “I might need a year to think about it” you decide as you start picturing yourself laying next to the pool and soaking up some sun with a six pack of beer in the cooler bag next to you, so care free, so relaxed right..?Wrong!

Unless you have access to unlimited funds and your parents wouldn't mind you laying around the house for the next 365 days this should not be an option! I however was unlucky enough to find myself at home on my fathers couch in front of the TV 24/7 after receiving my Senior Certificate last year.

Not because I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life or because my marks limited me from doing so but simply because University is a shit load of money and the bank had not yet approved my loan before my classes started. Sucks balls right?Yes,yes indeed.

Anyway after I repacked my bags and cried my eyes out for most of the bus ride home. I decided that if I was going to survive this I might as well make the best of it.Get a job, get my drivers license, I might even lose some weight!Ha, was I in for a surprise..

You see getting a job in the real world with nothing but a Senior Certificate is almost impossible.Everyone wants to hire people with previous experience and I had nada. So I phoned our local newspaper and asked if I could work there for a week or two just to see how things were done ( oh yeah, I want to be a journalist) and luckily for me they were a journalist short that week and I was hired!Unpaid of course, but that didn't matter because I had something to do and that was enough besides I could put that on my CV for next year.I was excited.Maybe this year wouldn't be so bad after all I thought as I went in to work everyday wrote a few articles and was sent out to take pictures of school events and other news worthy activities ( I live in a small town).Needless to say I was content.That was until they got a real journalist and I was sent home two weeks later and a surprising R1000 richer. That kind of dulled the pain for a while and I being the “dedicated” person I was started a new job 3 days later as a waitress at O’hagens.

This is a period of my life I am reluctant to revisit as it was the most hellish two weeks of my life!!!!! But share I must. First of all we did not get paid the first week because we were still being trained and we were not allowed to serve any tables which means we had to follow some of the more seasoned waiters around to see what was up. The first time waiters had to work from 8am-3am with a break of about two hours.Yes, we only had 5 hours of sleep.Boom! luckily for us our training ended early and 3 days later we got our own tables which meant we could get TIIIIIIIPs! This new and exciting concept had breathed new life into us and we were taking orders like it was nobodies business. We even started stealing each others tables even though keeping everyone’s orders straight was getting more and more difficult just so we had more to look forward to at the end of the night. By the end of my second week I had heard more than my fair share of cussing by the way. Things had gotten ugly but at least we had our first pay checks to look forward to.Or not! Turns out we had to pay for the uniforms we got earlier that week our selves and we still owed the restaurant owners.And That ladies and gents was the final straw.I was not going to work like a slave any more I thought and quite the very next day. I knew that I could get something better by the next month I just had to touch up my CV and send it out. I was confidant, I was determined but most of all I was wrong...

It’s six months later and I'm still very much unemployed.I spend my days on the internet browsing various social networks or I am in front of the TV.I have put on more than a few pounds even though I workout twice a day because I snack all day out of shear boredom. The only Good thing that has come out of this year is my Boyfriend who I love very very much.He has made this year more than bearable. But I cant wait to go to Uni next year, get a degree and start paying my dues! Because People like us (matriculants) don't belong in the real world that's why we are throne curve ball after curve ball so we can hall our asses back to school and finish a degree. My advice?Don't Delay Your Life.Unless you’re going to use your Gap year productively and you have a plan It simply is not worth it!

My Thoughts

Welcome to The Rabbit Hole lovelies! This Blog is mainly devoted to the wonderful works of children's literature but, I will be sharing my thoughts and feelings on a number of things that I consider to be important and beneficial to everyone who stumbles upon my page. I in no way consider myself an expert on life and love or any of the other subjects I might tackle so feel free to tell me when I step on some toes but just keep in mind that everything said on this page is based on my personal opinions and that I have no agenda what so ever except maybe to make sense of this huge nicker ball we call earth by letting you help me figure it all out.:)

Stay tuned 

Xx